When my kids were young I was always tired…. I tell that to my son and daughter-in-law now so that they know that there is an end in sight to the exhaustion they are both now feeling. Until my son, daughter, and my nephew were in their kindergarten years, I felt sleep deprived. I would come home from work, cook dinner, and then there was bath time and story time. Often, I was the one that fell asleep on the bed in the middle of story time, only to be poked and prodded awake to finish the already well known ending. I once fell asleep on a dentist chair and another time on the hard and narrow bleachers in a natatorium where Nonie had a swim lesson.
And, I feel I was a good mother…. but only because I had a partner who was engaged in the parenting process with me. That is why I never complained about the work of parenting knowing that the single parents out there were doing twice the work I did. I was blessed because I had Bo.
And there were certain things I just was not going to stress over. Whereas some parents needed creative outlets and made their kids homemade Halloween costumes, I allowed my kids to have any costume I could buy. They were allowed to go to any summer camp as long as transportation and lunch was provided. When Asa decided to be a figure skater as his primary sport, Nonie became one too so I did not have to deal with kids going in different directions after school or being on different traveling teams.
And I did not put false expectations on myself. One rule was not to read the Martha Stewart magazine! We might share the same first name, but that was the only thing I had in common with her! I remember one year on Easter, someone told me that Martha Stewart grew real grass in her Easter baskets. Stuff like that is the enemy of the working woman!!!!
Listen now to the description of the Martha Stewart of Biblical Times. Listen to the poem of the Woman of Substance found in Proverbs 31.
10 A capable wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant,
she brings her food from far away.
15 She rises while it is still night
and provides food for her household
and tasks for her servant-girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor,
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid for her household when it snows,
for all her household are clothed in crimson.
22 She makes herself coverings;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the city gates,
taking his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she supplies the merchant with sashes.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her happy;
her husband too, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her a share in the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the city gates.
(The Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.)
Proverbs 31 is used for Mother’s Day Sermons. It is the proverb of the excellent, virtuous, competent, and worthy woman. In some ways it is a wonderful proverb, offering a welcome contrast to the grim Old Testament stories of women who are abused, ignored, or valued primarily for their wombs. This summer, you will have the opportunity to learn of other strong female characters in our Hebrew texts as every other week will be on a strong woman of the Old Testament. This morning we heard the proverb referred to not just as the ‘Woman of Substance’ but also (gag me) as the ‘Ode to A Capable Wife’. In the Book of Proverbs, which sounds much like the commencement addresses being given all across our country the next few weeks, good advice and sage wisdom is offered as a key to success in life. Wisdom is seen in this book as emotional intelligence, making good choices, and avoiding dangerous situations. And the Book of Proverbs ends with this poem about a super woman. The poem is a description of an extremely talented woman and the impact she has had on her husband, children, and community. It is 22 verses long and if you see it in Hebrew, you can see that each verse begins with a letter of the Hebrew Alphabet. My grandsons have Alphabet books with much the same format….. which makes me think, maybe I should write them an alphabet book which is an ode to a capable grandmother named Mimi!!!!!
Some say the poem was written by a husband about his wife or possibly the mother of a son about the woman her perfect son should marry. And, I don’t know about you women out there, but I feel the same way about this woman as I do Martha Stewart. Another impossible standard has been set up. Some complain that it seems as though the writer of the poem… this maybe husband….is just sitting at the city gates all day dispensing the wisdom of proverbs while his wife toils away from sun up to sun down doing all the work. No wonder he calls her blessed! The most positive thing I can say about this poem, is at least the woman’s looks and sexuality are de-emphasized!
Some of you must remember that Enjoli Perfume ad from the 1980’s where the woman sang that she could ‘bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan’. It says it is an 8 hour perfume for a 24 hour woman. Who wants to be that! This poem is just like it. Impossible standards being put on women. The scenario illustrated in this poem is that a woman can never do enough and to earn the approval of her husband, children, and society requires much and always something more.
Young mothers today have standards put upon them that would stress me out totally. Society has said mothers of infants must nurse for a year, debate on whether to use cloth diapers, prepare all baby foods themselves from organic veggies and fruits and mothers of older children must provide music lessons, participate in sports travel teams, and give them extra tutoring so that they can be accepted into the college of their child’s dreams. This poem is not the good news that we need to hear.
But different feminist theologians have said that God’s good news is in this proverb. This poem is an affirmation of the woman. And just as in a church we sometimes set up an ideal church member…. You know the person who does everything and gives everything, we know that the ideal church is one where its members have a variety of gifts for the variety of skills needed for the whole. Some of us have talents in music, while others talents are in teaching, or in feeding the hungry. We know we all cannot do everything but we are expected to do what we can. All roles should be affirmed. And in the same way, all women have different skills. None have every skill. And whether you are a mother, an aunt, a grandmother, a working professional out of the home, or a woman who chooses to work in her home, all should be celebrated as all have gifts and skills that are blessed.
One commentary to which I really resonated, suggested that the proverb is a poem in celebration of the feminine image of God. It is not a to do list, but a way that women can see that we are indeed made in the image of God. And although we will never have all the characteristics of God, as women, we have many. We should celebrate God, the Mother, who provides for our needs so we do not have to live in anxiety. God, our Mother, is in charge, so we need not worry. God, our Mother, sustains us and our families and those who are in our community here at Riviera. God our Mother, is a compassionate, caring and powerful presence in our lives. And, in the ways we men and women, embody these wonderful characteristics of our God, in the ways we emulate God’s feminine nature, we worship, adore, and live out our lives as God’s disciples. Praise be both the feminine and masculine characteristics of our God. Praise be the people who embody these characteristics and gifts in ministry in God’s name! Amen.